two days off!

The sunrise from a few days ago
magnificent and brief!

The first of two days off from Lowe's; weary in my hips and ankles, and hugging my shoulder, a life lived these days on hard concrete, not beach sand. Oh...I should have painted today but I didn't. I went to Lowe's and bought a trellis for the "Ballerina" rose at the steps of the back deck, and to Fairway for groceries. Tonight, ham steaks for dinner and potato salad and Bush beans, tomatoes with basil for me....mid 80s today, hot, it seems, so a summery dinner.

Those paintings started in the basement, unretouched in all this time. Tomorrow, a goal to paint, one looking like clouds, some solids repainted, more opaque, keeping in mind the colors should bounce a little, not harmonious, not cacaphony, but unexpected edges, one to another...busy areas, calm areas. I've been thinking the surfaces are too small and confining--precious--and that maybe I should work into bigger sizes, still wood panels; maybe some detail to the moulding around the edges, decorative, 1930-ish, or hinges to make tryptychs, piano hinges with a rod down the center so adjustment, reconfiguration would be easy--pull out a central rod and re-attached the panels differently, maybe mantle paintings that could roughly undulate or "corner pieces", convex or concave at interior corners; that's possible, the size of the painting important for the narrative, as important--maybe--as color. New supplies will have to wait, I'm broke, Lowe's forgot to pay me for a week of my recent vacation. They say it'll be added to my next pay period. Meanwhile, no expenditures for art studff, and truck insurance is due, liscense plate renewal is due, $35 due to Dr. Baner, the head surgeon. It'll work out.

Autumn in the air, moments of it, last night at 1am, insomnia, the old, breathtaking shoulder pain, a front rolled over us out of Iowa, no rain but very hard sustained wind that whipped the maple and poplar leaves off the trees outside the computer room window--maybe 25 minutes of that, then calm, the temperature dropped, a few sprinkles. The verdandacy eroding daily, winter in the wings. This riles a depression on the theme of "oh no, again...winter's coming...what am I doing here...no one loves me," it's harder each year to survive, last year, I drove off the interstate in my truck, in the ballet of circles, down into four feet of snow, a long walk home...this is not Santa Barbara!