Headache on my day off
oh my god...it's November...the earth whirling in loops around the sun, blink, a month is gone, Thanksgiving, Christmas mounting again...all so fast, all too fast...bad weather in the wings, over Canada, looking for a passage to sweep down on Illinois, ice, snow, sleet, blizzards, high drama of driving...
That is to say time is passing swiftly. There's a trip coming up shortly to see my kids in California; I leave here November 8th and return November 19th, so rougly eleven days. This moment, today, the tides of thoughts have shifted to some odd sense of regret or disinterest in making the trip. Old fears of flying impose, but beyond that, I sense a major disconnection there, I am not in any way central, the kids are remote physically--as in far away--but even more so emotionally. Matt's working with an attorney to convert my share of the Goleta house to him and Lauren, a done deal. If I could now go to New Zealand or Sicily to live under a bridge (far away, the ends of the earth) I would.
I'm tired of working, a painful proceedure, up and at 'em, headaches, backaches, arthritis, because I'm old. I'm not sure of Social Security, when it starts, how much, but guess it's not enough...
