Studio~Plants

Saved from the frost...

I brought some tender plants in last night--mostly sedums and stapelias, "Curly" the hanging Guatemala cactus laden with neon pink fruit, other stuff, an asparagus fern and a pelargonium and an African river palm still to come.

more autumn in Milan

What Blue!

Thursday after work, the sun is shining, cool, maybe 55 degrees, very clear! There's nice color around, individual trees and shrubs, not psychodelic but better than last year; a series of early starts at work, 6:30am to 3:30pm, the same tomorrow, Friday, then, the weekend off! A light frost last night...I woke up to find a very soft frost on the windshield of the truck. I had moved most of the tender plants indoors so they seem to have survived in good spirits.

Lauren ran the San Francisco Marathon!

Autumn

Autumn color here in Milan, Illinois

the sky today

a place of my own...4

back deck made orderly

I wish I had a place of my own! Anywhere...Sicily, England, California, Arkansas? The advent of winter, the slant of light, a melencholia in the air--removing my plants from the back deck--major worries of shitty-icy roads this winter, (the last two years in a row I've spun off the Interstate, over the edge in my truck, and had to be pulled out by AAA) these things, other things, make me feel tired. A feeling, really overpowering at times, that I don't know where to be.

I'm into seven years here, in Illinois, out of California. Nothing robust or genuinely fun or interesting about my life here, I've only seen one of my five granchildren face to face (Cate), the other four born in my exile. My kids, Lauren and Matthew, rightfully busy with their own lives, parents themselves, don't email, don't phone, don't initiate contact, don't read this blog, don't see my many, many photos on my Flickr site, don't initiate web chat, don't send birthday cards (like that matters). My peculiar loneliness, my house-mate Jim, laconic, immobile, unwilling, exclusive, annoyed by me...I've asked Lowe's to schedule me for weekend work, every weekend because Jim is often off work on weekends; a way to avoid the tediousness of this difficult cohabitation. Sometimes I regret or dread my time off work, as to work, to get out of the house makes me out in the world, interacting with other human beings.

The emotional shuffle is the isolation of living alone versus the "different" isolation of living in someone else's place. I think I lived on the beach in Oxnard for eight years alone; so it's not impossible, strangers can become friends. Money is a problem. For instance, the "little surgery" to remove a squamous cell lesion on my forehead, about $300 in California, cost $2440 here at Trinity; after my insurance payment, I owe $900...I'm not sure what to do....being solvent, paying my bills, leaves very little for trips to California to see kids and grandkids. Moving on to a place of my own becomes, at this point in my life, only wishful thinking. Moving to California...well, that's a fantasy.

Lauren is running in some sort of San Francisco Marathon on Sunday; she hurt one of her toes the other day and says she still thinks she can run; the next day, Lauren and the family are flying off to Orlando for a Rosenbaum reunion at DisneyWorld. I'm not sure what Matt's doing these days. He phones me from his car cell phone about every two or three months, aside from that, hard to hear, no news is good news.

Bad mood? I'm thinking of dropping out...more...maybe just stop web chat with Lauren. See what happens then? Painting in the studio for her, not great, maybe ready by Christmas.

Matt, Lauren, if you read this, leave a comment--just click on the little "comments" button below, surprise me!

a place of my own...3

Joy's cornfield, adjacent to her house, with open pods of milk weed

a place of my own...2

Black Hawk Monument, overlooking the Rock River, Oregon, Illinois

Yesterday, Joy and Alan, Karla and Vicki and I went up to Oregon, Illinois to see the Black Hawk Monument, a huge concrete statue on a bluff overlooking the Rock River. A very pleasant trip, Joy's home--a modern log house--was a a highlight of the trip (the same people that own the Belgian Draught horses). We had dinner at White Pines State Park lodge, a log-cabin affair built by CCC workers (like my dad, maybe my dad?) during the Great Depression. Dinner, chicken and ribs, was ordinary, but with good company, we had a very nice time. An all-day affair, I left at 11am and got home at 11pm in the midst of a gully-washer rain storm.

a place of my own...1 Autoritratto

...a Self Portrait in Shadows
area where I'm making a new garden


I have had two days in a row off from Lowe's...a rare event. Yesterday I went on another road trip with Joy and Alan, Karla and Vicki, generally to Oregon, Illinois to see the Black Hawk Monument on the Rock River.

Today, Thursday, an at-home day, Jim, my house-mate wanted my plants removed from the back deck. A Midwestern reality, many things that grow outdoors beautifully for spring and summer and fall, fade and wither and die in the winter. So, although a little early, the back deck is more or less orderly and barren again, awaiting powerwashing, clean-up, and growing things that need to winter over in the house are lined up to be brought in before frosts come. I've planted some new enchinaceas and scabiosas, also Madonna Lilies, which will survive in or below the ground for the winter and pop up in the springtime; tomorrow, time permitting, I'll move some irises into the same area with little bulbets of allium, creating a new garden area with established roses and dwarf evergreens already there.

the landlord

Jim's the landlord; he owns the place where I live. A good friend, we don't see eye-to-eye on every issue, but we manage to get along.

~Katie Lopez~

Rachel's niece, Katie Lopez, 26 years old on October 5th, died in Oxnard, California yesterday from the complications of stomach cancer. She leaves two young boys, her partner, her mom and dad, and a sister. I remember her as a witty, spunky, energetic, bright kid who always seemed to be smiling. Life is sometimes very swift, too brief.

Katie did not want a funeral or a memorial so her family will gather with friends for a barbecue in the park for an upbeat gathering.

I will remember Katie...

Me---again!

Me at the entrance to the Maquoketa Caves, State Park, Iowa

I'm a little too claustrophobic to actually go into the caves at Maquoketa, so next best thing, a photo on the edge, going down some stairs. Vicki took this photo which I really like. I forgot to turn the flash off, so some glare, like on the tip of my nose, but I look like I would want to look. A sense (at least to me) of something "inner"...inner life, inner thoughts, inner being, intelligence, hard knocks--they show. And that's good. This was sort of midway in our Saturday rural Illinois-Iowa outing. A good time.

David in the Alien Corn

Near Erie, Illinois September 30, 2007

This is an "edited" version of a photo that Vicki took of me near the parking lot of the Shell Truck Stop where you turn off to enter into Erie, Illinois. Originally it was too red, swarmy with weird tones of red, a problem with the camera. I sent the bad photo to Lauren and she "photo-shopped" it and now it looks fairly decent.

Cate's Song

My grandaughter Cate Rosenbaum asked her mom for a piece of paper so she could write down a song she had made up. After a while she came back to her mom and presented (see photo) a page of text. She asked her mom to sing along. When Lauren, her mom, was unable to decode or fathom the "song", Cate was a bit surprised. So, a helpful child, she sang the song to her mother, prompting her mom to follow the text. I think this is a lovely invention and the notion that Cate would put down to paper her "tune"...well, that's bright!