STILL smoking! "Fa freddo oggi!"

Handsome fucker freezing to death


Some vacation time has come my way, five days, "use 'em or loose 'em," Lowe's said. Now, about me, time on my hands, sublime deep-freeze, minus temperatures over night, into the morning hours, highs for the day in the teens, that's cold; one of my "voices" yelling to me, "fa freddo oggi, stupido!" as I trudged, bundled up, outdoors, cracking through snow banks to escape the "cabin" lock-up.

Smoking less, but not stopped: cessation is coming, I feel it in my bones. How about making a painting or two with all that free time?

OH, STUPID...JUST STOP SMOKING!

I'm taking Chantix, an Rx to quit smoking. I hate smoking! It's essentially about addiction and habit, conditioning. I spend more each day to smoke than I do to eat (usually); to continue is an inevitible invitation to stroke, heart diesease, cancer, or early death; people I have known have died from smoking with heart diesease and lung cancer; no one I know and like smokes any more...I'm like the last one lighting up; my life is "quiet despearation" whether I smoke or not~smoking does nothing for me, it doesn't calm me down, it doesn't bring pleasure or make me "cool"; I smell like an ashtray! I must stop! I know some really stupid people who don't smoke and I'm very smart! What I spend each year on cigarettes could pay for round trip air fair and four weeks in Europe each year!

For a while, I'll monitor my path to quitting cigarettes here...

the NEW YEAR begins...

the sky this evening about 4pm


A week into 2008. I've decided to stop smoking again, Chantix, again. Chantix makes me feel mildly ill. This week, loyal to Chantix, I think I've had a bout with flu, too, fever, chills, nausea, headache, today diarrhea, I've missed some work, parts of days. Today should have been my last day of smoking...it wasn't! Tomorrow, or tomorrow after that, or a tribute to my deceased friend Roy Spoon, his birthday, Janaury 9th, maybe a good day to stop smoking forever.